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How to drive on a French motorway

As new legislation is set to allow learner drivers on motorways, there is no better time to discover how France’s major roads aren’t just demented Mad Max-style tarmac battlegrounds, they apparently have ‘rules’. 
It’s surprisingly easy to drive on the motorway, even if you are an insane bastard.

Here are the main guidelines:
Many people assume the motorway speed limit is 130kph. It’s actually 180-250kph although if it’s late at night and there are no police around you can go as fast as you want. Above all, make sure you never reduce your speed on wet roads.
It’s best practice to try to drive within 0.5mm of the bumper of the car in front, then overtake without indicating – don’t forget to ‘sneer’.
The right lane is for lorry drivers so that they can swerve into the hard shoulder while texting or watching the football. Lorry drivers are also encouraged to avoid using their mirrors or eyes at all costs.
The middle lane is for quietly determined pensioners and Modus drivers.
The left-hand l…

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